BOOZERS AND LOSERS: Complaining OK if done right

On the 165-mile drive back to Muncie this weekend, my friend Kayla and I spent at least 130 of those miles complaining. Casual complaints led to detailed discussions of our families, friends and lives and rather than being crippled by feelings of pessimism and negativity, like those experienced in a mid-December Walmart checkout line, the complaining was refreshing. Like sliding into a warm bath, hitting the snooze button or having a hot, homemade meal, complaining can be a rejuvenating, healthy experience — if done correctly.

As we approach the climax of the holiday season with the ABC Family Christmas Countdown decreasing each moment and “Jingle Bells” ubiquitously sounding from the radio, people indulge themselves with decadent chocolate-cinnamon combinations and, oddly, in a season marketed as the most holly-jolly time of the year, we become champion complainers. If it’s not five feet of snow, then the boss is scheduling you more than you can work, or the storefront greeter at Meijer didn’t welcome you warmly enough. Even with angel-topped trees in the window and menorahs on the table, there are as many reasons and ways to complain as there are days of Christmas.

In 2007, Reverend Will Bowen of Christ Church Unity in Kansas City told his congregation to shut the hell up with their complaining, though he wasn’t as colorful as that. Rather, he challenged his congregation to stop complaining, criticizing and gossiping for 21 consecutive days. Bowen issued purple wristbands to his congregation, asking them to wear them on their wrist and when they complained, to switch them to the other wrist. Twenty-four hours after complaining, the wristbands could be returned to the original wrist. The idea was to not need to move the wristband for three weeks. Sound easy? It’s not.

Complaining is like shopping, and there are two kinds of consumers: savers and spenders. We’ve all stood in a checkout line and, while waiting, picked up a magazine or breath strips or a laser pointer and thought, “Do I want this?” After some thought and consideration, we add the item to our cart or, sometimes, put it back on the shelf. A delicate difference exists between wanting and needing and since the advent of the credit card, far less people use the latter verb. We compulsively swipe our cards or swear, “This sucks!” without a second thought, because words are free, because it feels good to acknowledge something is subpar. Some people save their money for something they really want, while others buy anything that mildly interests them. Similarly, while some wait to verbalize their dissatisfaction at something truly worthy of their disdain, others complain about every broken nail and missed bus.

Even now I’m conscious that I’m complaining about complaining. We’re so accustomed to complaining, we don’t give Monday a thought beyond the morning “ugh.” Bowen himself reported it took three and a half months before he completed his three-week, no-moan quest, and it’s taken others as long as seven months. Complaining is our first line of defense against anything that does not align with what we want, despite a fairly recent, well-known campaign, the central message of which was simply, “Change.”

What if Santa just status-updated, “Kris Kringle is making his own damn cookies this year” instead of visiting and taking them from the majority of the world’s children? What if Batman just tweeted, “Ur such a jerk, Joker,” instead of saving Gotham from imminent doom? And what if Lady Gaga just tumbled about how badly she wants a dysfunctional relationship instead of producing a chart-topping single about it?

Over the next two weeks of class and the forthcoming week of finals, complain wisely. Everyone is staying at the library until closing time, everyone has a paper due tomorrow, everyone has a professor who “just doesn’t like them” and everyone is waiting for Winter Break. Though I may suggest it, I’m not committed to a complaint-free lifestyle, but actually, a more original one. Complain about how Muncie isn’t cold enough (yet) or how the essay you wrote is longer than what’s required. Complaining positively is a happy medium between artificial cheer and uncensored holiday hate. We must be more aware of how frequently we complain and whether we attempt Bowen’s 21-day challenge or 21 minutes of no complaining, we don’t need to tell everyone we see about everything we need to do – just get it done.

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