CALIFORNIA KIRCHUBEL: 'Twilight' fad is annoying, tedious

The past three years has seen the rise of a phenomenon that is sweeping middle school girls across the world; you folks know it as “Twilight.” The first of those books, “Twilight,” was written by Stephenie Meyer, a stay-at-home mom from Arizona.

The story was based on a dream Meyer had in 2002, and she finished the book in three months. With the first one under her belt, Meyer went on to finish the series with a grueling three other books. For some reason, the publishing company Little, Brown and Company thought the first book was worth something. Let me assure you: It isn’t.

“Twilight” is a vampire and human romance series that follows every other vampire and human romance series: Girl falls in love with handsome guy, guy turns out to be a vampire, vampire struggles internally with his feelings of love and hunger, girl proves her love by doing something stupid which ultimately ends in her death, vampire must turn girl into vampire to save her life, couple lives forever happily.

I will admit I have read the first one, and before I get my “man card” revoked, it was on a bet. It was quite possibly the easiest $5 I’ve ever made. The book itself was around 350 pages, in 14-point font and nearly double-spaced. Meyer took every shortcut she could have. The story progresses at such a pace, the reader finds themselves wanting something to happen after 200 pages of Bella Swan, the series’ heroine, pining for Edward Cullen, her bloodthirsty love. Finally at the end of the book, a group of rogue “vamps” comes literally out of nowhere and begins harassing Bella and the Cullen family. In order to save Bella’s life, the family takes her away from Edward while he hunts the only seemingly cool character in the book, James. James somehow tricks Bella into leaving her escorts and going to a dance studio from her childhood in Arizona. Bella falls for the trap and although Edward swoops in just in the nick of time, it’s not before James takes a chunk out of sweet Bella’s arm.

I can’t comment on the rest of the series having not read them, but if the first one is any indication of what’s to come, I can rest easy knowing that I’m not missing anything.

The series swept the nation so fast that not three years after the publication of the first of those books a movie was already in the works, and now a year after that, the sequel is breaking “The Dark Knight” single-day records. Its Hollywood blasphemy.

Teenage girls need to get off of this train before it becomes an even bigger wreck. I mean seriously, the acting in these movies is terrible. Rob Pattinson, every girls’ heartthrob for the next two years, is only good for being looked at. Kristen Stewart is much the same; how can you make a movie that rakes in over $72 million in one day, out of a series of books that would insult anyone with a good amount of common sense?

Frankly, I am tired of listening to all the ads and media hype about those books. I’m tired of seeing Robert Pattinson’s doped-out, pasty look ruining my TV screen and I’m tired of seeing both the Team Edward and Team Jacob merchandise littering our department stores and poisoning our kids’ minds. Even Steven King has publicly ridiculed these books, saying “Both Rowling and Meyer, they’re speaking directly to young people ... The real difference is that Jo Rowling is a terrific writer and Stephenie Meyer can’t write worth a darn. She’s not very good.” I don’t know about you readers, but I’m with King on this one.

9 comments

indifferent until I read this article

Mon Nov 30 2009 00:58

News flash, its a young adult book meant for young women. Its not supposed to be a literary piece of art. The books were such a success the screenwriters felt they needed to follow them closely in the movies, which doesnt always translate. Its not meant for you, get over your ignorance of why its successful by a tween's standard.

Need A Spanking?

Sat Nov 28 2009 16:54

This sounds like the ranting of a 5 yr old child...lol "I don't want to see Twilight stuff on store shelves!" *stomps foot over and over* "Why are Bella and Edward on my TV again!" *Whaaaaaa, throws self on floor and kicks feet*

Your name

Sat Nov 28 2009 16:50

"I’m tired of seeing Robert Pattinson’s doped-out, pasty look....." Dude have you seen the photo of yourself to the right ouf the article....lol

EM

Thu Nov 26 2009 10:34

Telling it like it is.

Zach

Wed Nov 25 2009 21:59

Don't worry about what other people are fanatical about? You just wrote a 250 word blurb on the subject. You sure do show your indifference in a funny way...

You're A Hypocrite

Wed Nov 25 2009 00:26

Ummm...I'm not a fan or a Twilight hater and have read none of these books so I can't comment on them. However, personally I have better things to do with my time than worry about what other people are fanatical about. If there's something in a store I don't have interest in purchasing...I simply walk away and don't purchase it, if there's somthing on TV I don't care to watch...there's this cool thing called a remote that will magically change the channel. In closing, your article, though I'm sure you're just SO proud of...actually makes you nothing more than an ignorant hypocrite, you're doing the very thing that you state in your article that you hate!! Your perpetuating conversation and debate in a media platform about, guess what...Twilight. You and Stephenie Meyer have something in common, bad writing, yet we all read your article from start to finish, so maybe you should read the other books in the series. Secondly, to live in a society where as a citizen you actually have the choice to write a book, be it good or bad, and can choose to purchase whatever you want and read whatever you want, is clearly something you've taken for granted. I think it's empowering to know that ordinary people can do extrodinary things.

RD

Tue Nov 24 2009 22:53

I agree with you. I get so irritated with this series. I got suckered into watching the first one when it finally came to dvd. It might have been one of the top 5 worse films I have ever seen sliding somewhere between nacho libre and blair witch project. Your right in that literally nothing happens. I got excited when the other vampire posse came and thought there would be a sweet hunt/kill but it might have been the weakest fight scene ever. What is wrong with our society that we actually reward horrible writers and allow them to make millions? I understand why you wrote this because there is no other way to show your frustration at something so pathetic that it is highly successful.

Kristen

Tue Nov 24 2009 13:24

Does it really matter what other people are reading? There will always be these fads and trends with books. You can still read whatever you want.

Think About It

Tue Nov 24 2009 08:16

Hi. If you are so sick of Twilight, perhaps you shouldn't be writing more articles about Twilight. Just a thought.

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